Me, Quirky?

I'm starting to think I'm not just your average, run of the mill, ordinary girl.

I've got some serious quirks!

Some I realize;
*I have a system when showering, face first, then shampoo, conditioner, and body, I do this everytime, it's habit. If I have to shave, it always goes between shampooing and conditioning, always.
*I don't like to leave the house unless I can run my errands in a circle, sometimes I can waste an afternoon trying to figure out the best way to get somewhere then back home in a loop, without wasting gas.
*When I'm walking by myself (the company must be better when I'm walking with others), I notice when I step on a crack or a painted parking divider and I feel off if my feet don't step on the same number of them.
*I played a cell phone game of Bejeweled last night for two hours and I couldn't put it down! (I totally beat my high score too, in case you were wondering) :)
*I can have an entire conversation with you, and you aren't anywhere within hearing distance (in layman's terms, I'm talking to myself). :)
*I imagine what I'm going to do, before I do it, for most things throughout my day, you'd think I'd do it to remember, but in fact, sometimes it makes me think I've already done it.
*There are times, most of the time actually, when I dress based on an image in my mind of what I want to look like, this would include looks that I steal from movies I've seen. I used to wear slightly baggy jeans, long sleeved white button up shirt with tan construction boots, just so I could look like Meg Ryan from When a Man Loves a Woman. We could have been twins :)
*I blow my nose in the shower, there's no dirty kleenex for Ros to eat this way! :)
*I start almost every story with "It was the most hilarious thing..." or variations of the same, even when it may not seem so hilarious (I think it makes me seem less like a whiner)
*I have an obsession with maps, I have three NA Atlas's and an entire file in my filing cabinet just for maps.

Some I've tried hard to break;
*I used to eat grilled cheese, waffles, pancakes, PB&J, and Reeses peanut butter cups in a very specific way, and it wasn't random, there was a very specific reason why I ate them that way.
*I totally forgot about the hand to nose sniffing thing! Weird since I was probably doing it as I typed this. :) It is something I didn't do for many years but it seems to be back in full force now, I blame the season. :)

Some I didn't realize;
*Nail popping? I'm thinking that's when I clean out my nails because it does make a sound. It's cuz I'm obsessed with not having crap under my nails, it drives me crazy! :)

I'm sure there are a lot more that I don't even know I do but everyone else does. :) Feel free to comment if you think of some! :)

Put a check in the box

Now I have another question...

Is any one person a box that can be checked? Or are we all just going through life making choices that seem like the right thing to do at the time, even if they're not?

For me, could I mark the box for Selfish? Because I can be this, a lot. But if I also check the box for Giving, does that make me a hypocrite? Because I can be this too.

I think what I find frustrating is that most people feel that you need to be one thing or another. If you have made a certain decision then you must make that same decision again because with that first decision you've made up your mind. I don't know about you but when I decide something, I should always reserve the right to change my mind, because I often do.

I should add that it is one of my pet peeves to be put into a "box". In fact, there are times I will purposely challenge someones perception of me so they can un-check me out of whatever box I think they've put me in. The thing is, I don't think I should be defined by my decisions, and neither should anyone else.

That's not to say that I don't have opinions, I have a ton of those. :) But those opinions aren't absolute, they don't require that I label you as something. They are just opinions, mostly in comparison to my own perception of things that I have derived from my own life experiences. Therefore, they are constantly evolving, as I hope I am.

I wonder if I'm conveying the honesty that I should with this blog. There are specific examples of label's being put on me that I'm thinking of but it would expose a lot of myself to share them. I'm worried that if I were to share them that I would be setting myself up for that very thing I'm trying to avoid.

Being put in a box and labled for easy filing.

What makes us do that anyway? What makes us define people based on their behavior? Why don't we all look at each other, as well as ourselves as people going through life like everyone else, without deciding for them, who they are?

I must confess, I rarely, if ever, have strong feelings about someone that would characterize them as something or another. Does that make me self-centered? I think that it makes me respectful, both in honoring each person's experience and holding tight to my own.

So here's my promise, I won't put you in a box, if you don't put me in one either. :)

Which is better?

I seem to be asking so many questions lately! I suppose it's hard to find the answer though if you don't ask the question first. :)

I just finished watching The Family Stone, that freakin' movie always makes me cry! I Love the picture of Sybil that Meredith gives to everyone for Christmas, it's such a beautiful gift especially since she has no idea what it means to them.

It brings to mind my subject for this question that I've been thinking about today. Which is better? Is it better to be with someone that you have a multitude of things in common with, someone that you have barely anything in common with, or is somewhere in the middle the best?

I thought at first that I needed to find someone that was exactly like me, the same likes, the same dislikes, everything, except the peeing standing up part, it's just such a mess! What's making me laugh right now, and no, it's not the image of myself peeing standing up, is that I'm wondering if I thought that because if we have so much in common, what's not to like?

That's not to say that some things aren't deal breakers. For me, I need a partner that either loves being around people, and family is included in that, or someone that doesn't mind the fact that I do. I need it. I want people around me, well, mainly my friends and my family. That's not to say that I don't need alone time too, I do. So I would also need someone that was okay with sitting around on a Sunday afternoon, or okay with me sitting around on a Sunday afternoon reading a book while they do whatever they want. :)

Now that I think on it a little more, maybe it isn't that I need anything specific from anyone, I just need someone that's okay with me, being me. :) If we have some things in common, cool, but it's not a necessity as long as what we don't have in common, we can both live with.

OMG - Did I actually answer my own question? I think I did.

Answer: None, as long as you are true to yourself and honest about yourself with others, there is no "perfect balance" only unconditional acceptance.

The truth and nothing but...

So I suppose if I'm going to find out if honesty is the best policy, I gotta get my profile all in line as it were...

What do you say first to a potential "love you no matter what, hold your hair while puking, tell you you're being crazy when you are, hold you when you cry, tolerate your family, appreciate your friends, etc" match? And without sounding like a lunatic?

I think I'm a skeptic.

I'm pretty sure that everyone is going to vanish one day because of some crazy, jacked up, nonsensical remark I make. So unconsciously, or in some cases, consciously I pull away when I get the feeling that it's starting to happen. There are times when I fight that feeling, because after more careful consideration I find it baseless and the older I get the more I fight it. It's still there though. Maybe it's a trust issue? I do find that the feeling happens more as I trust someone with my true thoughts and feelings. That it's just going to take that one time for them to say "Holy Shit, how have I come to be around this crazy/weirdo/lunatic for so long?!" and away they go. Not that I've had a whole lot of experience in people leaving, I'm usually out the door, or have at least distanced myself emotionally by then. :)

So how to overcome this obstacle? It feels like an insecurity and I'm not so proud of it. The thing of it is, I feel very secure in how I feel about myself and who I am as a person. The hang up I guess is in thinking I'm not good enough for everyone else.

I think it's about being secure enough in yourself that you don't have to ask your friends, "Do you like me? Do you really like me?" Cuz that would drive me up the wall if someone asked me that all the time! :) Plus, if they didn't would they be spending time with you? I guess I still have some work to do...

It all comes back to the honesty piece. Trusting that those you have around you will be honest with you and also being honest with yourself.

This also works in new relationships. You have to be able to be honest with that person to say "I think this could work, and here's why", or "I don't think you're right for me" without sugar-coating it or being afraid of the consequences. As well as being honest about what you're looking for so there's no confusion. You also can't be afraid that you're going to get that honesty back, you should be elated that someone thought enough about you to be honest and let you know how they feel. Whether that's in a good way, or a not so good way.

Otherwise, how would we find that person that loves us, for us?

How real should it get?

I've been thinking for the past few days how interesting it would be if everyone was forced to have a very real, very honest, online dating profile. For those of us that are single and looking of course!

Wouldn't it be better to just lay it all out there, let people know what they are getting into? That way, after two months and they're picking their teeth at a fancy restaurant, with their elbows on the table and food all over their shirt, you'd already know because their profile said "Careless Eater" Now I'm not saying this so we'd all have to list our less desirable traits, but it's better to get the true picture. Why waste your time with someone that abhors (I love that word) careless eating if they weren't going to accept you for who you are?

Now obviously that's a really lame example of what I'm getting at but think about it. If you knew then, what you know now, wouldn't you rather have had all the cards on the table before taking that leap into "a relationship"? Wouldn't you rather know, "I love to take walks, I blow my nose in the shower, I could spend an entire weekend watching movies, and I would do anything for just about anyone, at the expense of myself if I thought it would help them", instead of "Great Listener, loves long walks on the beach, and candlelit dinners..."?

Me, personally, I want the nitty gritty. I want to know the brass tacks, if you will. I'm not looking for a few months of fun, I want the real deal. The good, bad, and ugly of all that being in a relationship entails. I like the idea that I can meet someone that has a totally different take on life, with different experiences and wants to share them. I also like the idea that someone would want to meet me, get to know me, and love me in spite of it. :)

What would happen if you really laid it all out there? Do people really appreciate honesty? Would there be consequences of speaking your mind and saying who you really are? Could you stand to listen to those that would judge you? Would it be worth it to know that the one you would be with, understood your flaws, respected your opinions, and appreciated your strengths, right from the beginning?

Is it really possible?

Stay tuned....

A bandwagon is fun to ride on, right?

So I figure I'll get on the bus too, why not? :)

Watch out - I'm an emoticon junkie! :D

Do you really want to delve into my ramblings of ridiculousness?

Okay....

But I warned you! :)