And baby makes three...

Well, not quite yet but I'm half way through and we just had our anatomy ultrasound today and everything looked great!

I've been steadily getting better since my last blog. I have my days, but I had those pre-pregnancy too so I'm chalking that up to normal. :)

I thought from the very first it was a girl, and with that first thought I probably jinxed myself knowing me. I have always been terrified of having a girl. At all. I know that people say that girls are easier but when you look at mother/daughter relationships, you know that it's not. I want her to be my family legacy redemption but then I think, how can it be possible to put that kind of pressure on someone that has no idea what she's supposed to be redeeming? I wonder how many mother's say, "I will not do what my own mother has done".

I think that is my lesson, to do for her what was, and was not done for me. To help her find the balance in life, that it's not all bad, it's not all good, but there is a beauty in living the journey that you set for yourself. I need to watch for extremes, both from me and around me.

This may be my most difficult journey. To help guide this little girl growing inside me to be her own person, to take from me what she needs and build on it from what she has that's her very own.

I am terrified of it still. But on the other hand, I'm kind of excited for the challenge. To push myself farther than I've gone. To make mistakes and be forgiven. To hang on to my faith that no matter what, it will always work out the way that it's supposed to, but it doesn't hurt to throw some work in every now and again. :)

I can't wait to welcome you to this world, Vivian Faith. You are my daughter, and I will love you more than anything will in this world (except maybe your Dad). And I will let you be you, if it kills me. :)