Which is better?

I seem to be asking so many questions lately! I suppose it's hard to find the answer though if you don't ask the question first. :)

I just finished watching The Family Stone, that freakin' movie always makes me cry! I Love the picture of Sybil that Meredith gives to everyone for Christmas, it's such a beautiful gift especially since she has no idea what it means to them.

It brings to mind my subject for this question that I've been thinking about today. Which is better? Is it better to be with someone that you have a multitude of things in common with, someone that you have barely anything in common with, or is somewhere in the middle the best?

I thought at first that I needed to find someone that was exactly like me, the same likes, the same dislikes, everything, except the peeing standing up part, it's just such a mess! What's making me laugh right now, and no, it's not the image of myself peeing standing up, is that I'm wondering if I thought that because if we have so much in common, what's not to like?

That's not to say that some things aren't deal breakers. For me, I need a partner that either loves being around people, and family is included in that, or someone that doesn't mind the fact that I do. I need it. I want people around me, well, mainly my friends and my family. That's not to say that I don't need alone time too, I do. So I would also need someone that was okay with sitting around on a Sunday afternoon, or okay with me sitting around on a Sunday afternoon reading a book while they do whatever they want. :)

Now that I think on it a little more, maybe it isn't that I need anything specific from anyone, I just need someone that's okay with me, being me. :) If we have some things in common, cool, but it's not a necessity as long as what we don't have in common, we can both live with.

OMG - Did I actually answer my own question? I think I did.

Answer: None, as long as you are true to yourself and honest about yourself with others, there is no "perfect balance" only unconditional acceptance.

The truth and nothing but...

So I suppose if I'm going to find out if honesty is the best policy, I gotta get my profile all in line as it were...

What do you say first to a potential "love you no matter what, hold your hair while puking, tell you you're being crazy when you are, hold you when you cry, tolerate your family, appreciate your friends, etc" match? And without sounding like a lunatic?

I think I'm a skeptic.

I'm pretty sure that everyone is going to vanish one day because of some crazy, jacked up, nonsensical remark I make. So unconsciously, or in some cases, consciously I pull away when I get the feeling that it's starting to happen. There are times when I fight that feeling, because after more careful consideration I find it baseless and the older I get the more I fight it. It's still there though. Maybe it's a trust issue? I do find that the feeling happens more as I trust someone with my true thoughts and feelings. That it's just going to take that one time for them to say "Holy Shit, how have I come to be around this crazy/weirdo/lunatic for so long?!" and away they go. Not that I've had a whole lot of experience in people leaving, I'm usually out the door, or have at least distanced myself emotionally by then. :)

So how to overcome this obstacle? It feels like an insecurity and I'm not so proud of it. The thing of it is, I feel very secure in how I feel about myself and who I am as a person. The hang up I guess is in thinking I'm not good enough for everyone else.

I think it's about being secure enough in yourself that you don't have to ask your friends, "Do you like me? Do you really like me?" Cuz that would drive me up the wall if someone asked me that all the time! :) Plus, if they didn't would they be spending time with you? I guess I still have some work to do...

It all comes back to the honesty piece. Trusting that those you have around you will be honest with you and also being honest with yourself.

This also works in new relationships. You have to be able to be honest with that person to say "I think this could work, and here's why", or "I don't think you're right for me" without sugar-coating it or being afraid of the consequences. As well as being honest about what you're looking for so there's no confusion. You also can't be afraid that you're going to get that honesty back, you should be elated that someone thought enough about you to be honest and let you know how they feel. Whether that's in a good way, or a not so good way.

Otherwise, how would we find that person that loves us, for us?