The truth and nothing but...

So I suppose if I'm going to find out if honesty is the best policy, I gotta get my profile all in line as it were...

What do you say first to a potential "love you no matter what, hold your hair while puking, tell you you're being crazy when you are, hold you when you cry, tolerate your family, appreciate your friends, etc" match? And without sounding like a lunatic?

I think I'm a skeptic.

I'm pretty sure that everyone is going to vanish one day because of some crazy, jacked up, nonsensical remark I make. So unconsciously, or in some cases, consciously I pull away when I get the feeling that it's starting to happen. There are times when I fight that feeling, because after more careful consideration I find it baseless and the older I get the more I fight it. It's still there though. Maybe it's a trust issue? I do find that the feeling happens more as I trust someone with my true thoughts and feelings. That it's just going to take that one time for them to say "Holy Shit, how have I come to be around this crazy/weirdo/lunatic for so long?!" and away they go. Not that I've had a whole lot of experience in people leaving, I'm usually out the door, or have at least distanced myself emotionally by then. :)

So how to overcome this obstacle? It feels like an insecurity and I'm not so proud of it. The thing of it is, I feel very secure in how I feel about myself and who I am as a person. The hang up I guess is in thinking I'm not good enough for everyone else.

I think it's about being secure enough in yourself that you don't have to ask your friends, "Do you like me? Do you really like me?" Cuz that would drive me up the wall if someone asked me that all the time! :) Plus, if they didn't would they be spending time with you? I guess I still have some work to do...

It all comes back to the honesty piece. Trusting that those you have around you will be honest with you and also being honest with yourself.

This also works in new relationships. You have to be able to be honest with that person to say "I think this could work, and here's why", or "I don't think you're right for me" without sugar-coating it or being afraid of the consequences. As well as being honest about what you're looking for so there's no confusion. You also can't be afraid that you're going to get that honesty back, you should be elated that someone thought enough about you to be honest and let you know how they feel. Whether that's in a good way, or a not so good way.

Otherwise, how would we find that person that loves us, for us?

How real should it get?

I've been thinking for the past few days how interesting it would be if everyone was forced to have a very real, very honest, online dating profile. For those of us that are single and looking of course!

Wouldn't it be better to just lay it all out there, let people know what they are getting into? That way, after two months and they're picking their teeth at a fancy restaurant, with their elbows on the table and food all over their shirt, you'd already know because their profile said "Careless Eater" Now I'm not saying this so we'd all have to list our less desirable traits, but it's better to get the true picture. Why waste your time with someone that abhors (I love that word) careless eating if they weren't going to accept you for who you are?

Now obviously that's a really lame example of what I'm getting at but think about it. If you knew then, what you know now, wouldn't you rather have had all the cards on the table before taking that leap into "a relationship"? Wouldn't you rather know, "I love to take walks, I blow my nose in the shower, I could spend an entire weekend watching movies, and I would do anything for just about anyone, at the expense of myself if I thought it would help them", instead of "Great Listener, loves long walks on the beach, and candlelit dinners..."?

Me, personally, I want the nitty gritty. I want to know the brass tacks, if you will. I'm not looking for a few months of fun, I want the real deal. The good, bad, and ugly of all that being in a relationship entails. I like the idea that I can meet someone that has a totally different take on life, with different experiences and wants to share them. I also like the idea that someone would want to meet me, get to know me, and love me in spite of it. :)

What would happen if you really laid it all out there? Do people really appreciate honesty? Would there be consequences of speaking your mind and saying who you really are? Could you stand to listen to those that would judge you? Would it be worth it to know that the one you would be with, understood your flaws, respected your opinions, and appreciated your strengths, right from the beginning?

Is it really possible?

Stay tuned....